Problem ownership

Behaviour Window

A simple but effective visual model, the Behaviour Window helps parents observe a situation and develop self-awareness. The Problem Ownership model then helps people determine the best skill (or combination of skills) to use with their children in order to achieve the best result.

How do I put this into practice?

The principal for the P.E.T. communication skills relies on an understanding of ‘who owns the problem’.

I need to ask myself:

Is my child upset? Then my child ‘owns the problem’.

I will know this because I will be aware of their ‘cues and clues’. They are telling me that, in some way, their needs are not being met. For example, they may cry, withdraw, yell, or hit or kick someone (such as their sibling).

I need to ask myself:

Is it me (the parent), who is upset? Then I ‘own the problem’.

I will know this because, somehow, my needs are not being met. I may feel frustrated, annoyed, helpless, afraid, annoyed and i am tangibly affected.

I need to ask myself:

Are we both upset? Then we ‘both own the problem’ – we share the problem with our child.

I will know this because all other skills i have employed, have not resulted in a change in my child’s behaviour.